Ben Cahalan works at Rydell Cars and is a childhood survivor of interpersonal violence.
Ben Cahalan grew up in an Iowa town not much bigger than Grand Forks.
It was there that he first learned about cars.
Not how to replace spark plugs in a ’68 Pontiac Bonneville.
Not how to trick out the engine in a 1990 Honda Civic.
But how to make one roomy enough to sleep in.
“Since about age five, I always remember my mom on state aid and always being in a situation of needing help,” Ben said. “We lived in tents, shelters and cars. I went to 11 different grade schools and junior highs, and four different high schools.”
Living from place to place had been the norm since Ben can remember. But in 1984, after suffering a traumatic back injury, his mother needed surgery that required extensive rehab. Moving around got even more complicated.
“Back surgeries 40 years ago were not easy things,” Ben recalls. “And from that point on, she just fell into a state of depression and pain.”
Ben remembers watching his mom endure one mental health crisis after another, sleeping up to 20 hours a day, and isolating herself from family and friends.
“I just remember her being shuttered away behind a closed door in the bedroom all the time,” he said. “After that surgery, she was never the same person. She never worked again.”
So when “Bob,” a new boyfriend, started coming around and his mom became a bit more sociable, Ben welcomed the extra attention.
From then on things changed. But not for the better. According to Ben, Bob had no ability to determine right from wrong and spent most of his time in and out of jail for fraud, abuse and other crimes.
“When they partnered up, there was Mom in pain all the time, and then there was the added physical and emotional abuse that Bob brought into the picture,” Ben said. “He hurt my mom and was my abuser as well.”
For the next seven years, Bob and Ben’s mother had an on-again-off-again relationship. It became a situation that led to nothing but trouble, and for Ben, a long period of sexual abuse.
“There were lots of trips to the crisis center in Iowa City,” Ben said. “They didn’t have the level of what CVIC has, but it became a shelter with people who really cared, and that mattered.”
It was Ben’s first experience with trust.
Life After Bob
When he was 14, Ben got his worker’s permit and started earning taxable income.
“If I didn’t work, we didn’t eat,” Ben said, and by age 14, he was the one holding down a job, providing food for the table and making sure his two siblings were safe. If he wasn’t a man yet, he certainly felt like one.
“With the money from my job, I bought a car for $200 cash from our landlord at the time,” Ben said. “It was a 1979 Datsun painted with red Rust-O-Leum. It was falling apart, but it was also my way out.”
Bob’s relationship with Ben’s mother ended, but the trauma showed up in unexpected ways. At 15, Ben got a hold of a fake ID and started going to the bars where he passed himself off as a 21-year- old college kid.
“It worked until I met someone and we started a relationship,” Ben said. “She was obviously much older than me, which she didn’t know until later.”
Ben and his older girlfriend ended up getting married. And pregnant.
“One month after I graduated high school, I was told that we were expecting a child. And that was the pivot point for me, that the path that you’re on is going to lead to disaster or not a great life if you don’t figure things out. As a father, that path came quickly to me.” Ben said.
Now it was time for Ben to trust himself.
Members of the Rydell team and CVIC celebrate the Angels on Wheels partnership. Ben is pictured second to right.
A Career Driven By People
Ben spent the next decade building a healthy life for himself and his small family, while still finding time to explore his role in the world.
“I wanted to be a firefighter and EMT and do arson investigation, but I decided to sell cars while going to school,” Ben said. “I actually found out that I was pretty good at what I did.”
He joined a Rydell dealership in Iowa and quickly discovered an acumen for selling cars and a passion for people. Ben gravitated instantly towards Rydell’s mission, vision and values.
“They have these Leonardisms,” Ben said, referring to Leonard Rydell, a company founder. “My favorite is ‘Never take advantage of a customer even if you can.’ It’s not just words on a wall. The only thing I had was people’s words growing up, so trust became a critical thing to me. It was the only thing of value that I really had.”
When an opportunity in the Grand Forks Rydell community opened up, Ben decided to take a chance on a new community. In a relationship with his now-wife Ashley, they were both ready to leave behind some of Ben’s past in Iowa and try a different road.
Finding Trust and Holding On
Ben and Ashley lived in the area for eight years before either had heard of CVIC.
“I attended the Rise and Shine for Peace breakfast, which introduced me to CVIC’s messaging,” he said. “I just told my wife, ‘This is where we need to be. This is where I need to invest. This is the one I want.’ I don’t even remember who the speaker was. I just remember the genuineness of everybody on the team. And I felt that real care, like I did in Iowa. I had the support. I trusted
them.”
Since then, the connection has only grown. Since 2022, Ben’s employer Rydell has donated 30 vehicles to CVIC clients to reduce transportation barriers and ensure resources are available whenever they’re needed. This year, the company nominated CVIC as their receiving charity for Rydell’s Annual Charity Car and Bike Show.
Breaking the Cycle
Bob passed in the mid-’90s, and Ben’s mother died in 2024. She left behind three children, each of whom has coped with and healed from their trauma in different ways. Ben is not particularly close with any of his siblings today, including the additional two on his father’s side, whom he didn’t meet until he was 12, when he also first met his biological father.
“All of us siblings have vastly different outcomes. That, to me, is the ripple, the one-degree off that can change everything. You just don’t know how things are going to impact you in the long run. I do sometimes think it’s a choice, to look at everything that happens to you as a positive because it got me to where I’m at today.” Ben said.
Experiencing what it looked and felt like to be abused wasn’t something he asked for, but Ben Cahalan has become a fierce champion, a trustworthy leader, and is building a new legacy for his children.
“Sometimes you’re just forced to grow up faster than you want. We broke the cycle of all that trauma in my family with my kids and we’re not going to pass that onto the next generation,” Ben said. “I have a good life. I have a great family. We broke the cycle.”
— Story written by Lonna Whiting
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